It is particularly essential for women to do the work of improving their decision-making and emotional intelligence.
Most cultures around the planet for most of human history have suppressed the cultivation and celebration of women’s desires, talents and capacities.
If we are not careful, we will underestimate the influence of a person’s environment on their development.
We see fewer women in difficult, demanding fields and are tempted to think “women don’t like to do hard things” rather than investigate messaging we have bombarded little girls with about what is “right” for us to pursue. We will not notice the way we shield, discourage, or even punish girls for experimenting and making mistakes while allowing boys that very same leeway.
As a result, boys experience more personal growth and proficiency. Then erroneously society thinks “see! They are capable of so much more”! It’s the invisibility of culture that allows these really destructive messages to hide and take root in the minds of growing girls who then go on to disable their own achievements just as our programming instructed. Except we will feel as if it was our own idea and destiny.
So to me, the best reason a woman has to develop her mind is so that she can say that she chose her life.
It’s so that she feels so attuned to her own self-worth that she picks the path that is best for her own development regardless of whether her culture or family of origin approves. She gives herself the freedom to make mistakes and forgives herself for her missteps even when the culture would rather she feel shame and embarrassment. She seeks out uncertainty and growth in new experiences.
On a darker note, a woman must also develop her own mind so that she is not so severely taken advantage of. Young girls are the target of “accepted” manipulation from many sides: her family that unloads their expectations of servitude on her, institutions like her religion, school, country/government that see her worthy of a narrow purpose (usually one in service to society and men so that they can feel free to develop their full potentials), peers and culture that often reinforce harmful messaging that undermines her ambitions, and from partners who often reinforce harmful messaging even if they love the woman (partially because they benefit from her sacrifices).
And then of course “unacceptable” manipulation of women is still frighteningly common even if a society outwardly condemns it: most assaults are committed by a man the woman already knows, a manipulation of a trusted bond. Girls who are trafficked into slavery are often lured in by friendly, helpful strangers or sold by their own family members or boyfriends again, because of a trusted bond. Over a quarter of pregnancies in women under 15 years old were fathered by adult men. When this isn’t caused by outright assault, it is because the older man feigned love to use the body of an inexperienced girl flattered by his attention. He knowingly abused her inability to grasp the true consequences of sex and motherhood.
And then my favorite reason for women to ruthlessly pay attention to their own mental development: life becomes fun, easier, and more relaxing. You are familiar and welcoming to your emotions, unafraid of even the unpleasant ones. You worry less about what others think and can tell when feedback is helpful and appropriate (even if painful) or when others are just reacting negatively to you living in your truth. You become more aligned with reality and the universe feels like a much friendlier place. Therefore, you are less afraid. Knowledge, reading, and consciously developing and protecting your mindset is how you arrive here.
So you must develop your mind, babe. Unlearn, repair, recover, and retrain it to embrace the helpful parts of your culture and reject the self-destructive aspects entirely, even if it means disappointing or angering others.
If this resonates with you, sign up for the weekly newsletter here. My goal is for an increasing number of women to “wake up” and see that at the end of their lives, they will not wish that they were more compliant or be happy that they ignored themselves to fit in to the world.
Sources:
Polaris Project, “What We Know About How Child Sex Trafficking Happens”
National Library of Medicine, “Demographic characteristics in adult paternity for first births to adolescents under 15 years of age”